Time for a Fix

A 21 Day Fix, that is.

I’m working on getting my extra weight off.  I’m working on getting healthy and eating healthy.  But it takes time.  It takes effort.  It takes a LOT of motivation.

The fact I’ve been seeing results by running and keeping a very basic count of my calories has really helped with my motivation.  But I’m one of those people who wants it now.  So I decided to try for some drastic results in the hope that I can keep those results as my new norm.  We will see how this works.

A friend is a beach body coach and she is doing a 21 day fix group, which I joined.  It looks easy enough.  You eat based on the amount of containers you are allowed in a day, not based on the calories because, let’s face it.  You can eat 1200 calories of pure junk or you can eat 1200 calories of healthy meals.  The number does not matter.  It’s what is IN that number that counts.

I have my cute colored containers.  I have my workout dvds.  I’m now just waiting for March 2 to arrive so I can start full force.

Beach body has been good for me.  I did insanity almost 2 years ago and I had amazing results.  But my fitness level is not up to Insanity right now.  So my goal is to do 21 day fix for 21 days.  Maybe a second go at it if I feel like I could do better.  Then I will once again try Insanity.

Shakeology has also been good for me.  A lot of people say shakes are not good for you and I agree that some are not.  Shakeology has been the one I have found that keeps me full and makes me feel better in general.  I add a few things to mine (for chocolate shakes, I add ice, frozen strawberries and a little peanut butter.  For greenberry I add ice, frozen strawberries, frozen pineapple and frozen blueberries).  They’re tasty.  They’re healthy.  AND they give me a TON of needed protein.  Protein is my biggest issue.  I cannot get enough protein.

I’ll update on 21 day fix as I go along.  This weekend I am planning out every meal for the three week period so that I can be ready.  At least breakfast is taken care of…shakes!

Miralax and Toddlers

I want to start this by saying I am not a medical professional.  I have never claimed to be.  I am, however, a mother.  So what I am writing here are things that I experienced first hand.  And if you are googling miralax and toddlers, I hope that what I write can help you.

Almost a year ago, Little C became constipated.  We were potty training and she had this uncontrollable fear of having a bowel movement on the potty.  So she held it.  She held it to the point that she would not eat, because her stomach hurt so much.  She held it to the point that she would get fevers, cry and be downright miserable.

So to doctors we went.  Four different doctors (including one specialist) instructed us to give her Miralax.  Half a capful once a day.  It would clear it right up.  But, they all told me, remember she needs this stuff and will likely need to remain on it for a VERY long time.

So we bought miralax.  Not long after we started the miralax, I wrote this post about how Little C was no longer as outgoing as Little G and it was causing her some issues at school.  Soon after, I wrote about how daycare was seeing a difference in Little C’s behavior, which we thought was because of a friend of Little G’s.  Then she started having nightmares.  She became obsessive about things – having to wear specific shoes every single day, having to have a specific blanket in her sight all day long, having to have her dolls lined up just so.

After these posts, Little C basically became that kind of kid.  She was quiet.  Thoughtful.  Not as silly as usual.  She was different.  Then, a few weeks ago I wrote about how she changed completely and became the silly kid she used to be.

A few days after writing that post I thought about what had changed.

Miralax had changed.

I had quit giving her miralax because I could not potty train her when she was using miralax (she never knew when she was going to go…It would sneak up on her and after many pairs of panties were ruined, I decided to drop the miralax and try again).

So I began doing some online research.  I feel like the WORST mother ever for not doing this research before.  Here is what I found:

There are actually forums set up for parents dealing with effects of miralax on their kids.  It’s scary.

Those are just a few articles that I found about the dangers.  I read many others that, frankly, scared the crap out of me.  The bottle itself warns against using for more than a week straight.  In adults.  The bottle does not give dosing information for children.  Because, until this year, there have been no studies about what it could do to your child.

I’m fairly certain I know what it did to mine though.  And no matter how hard it is to get her to use the potty, I cannot imagine myself putting her on that drug again.  I love having my Little C back.  Had I known the miralax was the culprit, I never would have given it to her to begin with.

Before Kids – After Kids

Before I had kids, I thought I knew it all.  I thought “I’ll never be one of THOSE moms.”

You know the type.  The moms who are consumed by their children.  The moms who choose their kids over their friends every.single.time.  The moms who discuss potty training and boogers like they’re talking about the new releases at the theater.

I am so totally one of those moms now.

Before kids – I would laugh when a friend with kids would say she couldn’t do something because little Jimmy had to go bed by 8.

After kids –  I stare at my watch when we are at the store to make sure I don’t miss the sleeping hour by even a minute because if they aren’t in bed at 8, they won’t go to bed until 11.

Before kids – I would roll my eyes when friends would turn down going out for drinks to stay home with their kids.

After kids – I avoid even being asked to go out for drinks because I’d rather be with my kids.

Before kids – I didn’t understand why someone would want to skip a party to take their kids out on some adventure.

After kids – I look forward to DisneyWorld and Disney on Ice and Chuck E Cheese like I’M the three year old because seeing the world through their eyes makes it much more magical and less depressing.

Before kids – I would judge my friends who didn’t clean their house daily because of the toys and mess of life with kids.

After kids – I pick up for thirty minutes every night but if it’s not perfect, it’s just not perfect.

Before kids – I would avoid conversations of how well little Jenny is doing peeing on the potty.

After kids – I want to scream to the world when Little G and Little C make it to the potty.

Before kids – I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to HAVE kids.

After kids – I can’t begin to understand why anyone would ever want to go through life without kids.

When you become a mom, things change.  Your world changes.  What was important is no longer because the only things that matter are those little tiny humans who need you.  It makes the world much more bearable to have those little humans around.

Even when they crawl into bed with you and steal your pillow.1653909_10103103672257773_2731889251803219421_n

Life Happens

When I was pregnant with my daughters I only gained between 20 and 25 pounds (pretty sure 5 pounds of it was swelling weight I gained in the final few days).  After I gave birth, I dropped that 25 pounds in no time.  In fact, I dropped 30.

Hate me.  Go ahead.  I hate me for that too.

Because when you LOSE it that fast (8 days, it took 8 days), you will gain it back if you aren’t careful.  And I did.

It came back slowly.  But suddenly, one day, I realized I had gained back 15 pounds of what I lost.  So I started looking at what caused it and I realized…

I caused it.

Me.

It’s my fault.

I could work out, but I didn’t.  There are always excuses.  No time to go to the gym.  Wanting to spend time with my daughters.  Wanting to sleep.

I ran a 5k in October.  Well, that’s not true.  I participated in a 5k.  I did not train.  I had not ran in, literally, years, before I lined up for this 5k.  I finished.  My time was not pretty.  Four years ago I could run a 5k in 35 minutes.  4 months ago, I ran it in 50, which, let’s face it, means I walked most of it.

I told myself that night I was getting my time back.  I was going to beat my PR.  I was I was I was.

And then I didn’t.

And then I saw a picture of me with my girls and I thought “Who is that fat girl?”  I am not fat, but I LOOKED fat.  I did not look like me.  So I asked my husband to help.  I asked him to start watching the girls in the afternoons and for a couple hours on Saturday and Sunday so I can exercise again.

I’m running again.  My 5k time is now around 41 minutes.  I’ve been running for less than 3 weeks and I’ve knocked 9 minutes off my time.  I’m not running for 41 minutes.  I’m only running for 8 – 10 minutes of that but I’m doing it.  I will lose those 15 pounds again.  And more.  Because I need to be happy with myself again.

It’s so much easier to do this with friends.  I push myself harder when I have friends with me at the gym.  It’s fun.  And when I can send a text to a friend that says “My ass hurts so bad I can’t move” and get the response of “Mine too.  Damn that stripper move.”  I know that we are doing something right.  And we will get where we want to be.

It’s time for the Super Bowl again

One year ago I wrote this:

Your Actions = Someone Else’s Consequences

There’s not much else I think about (therefore feel like I can write about) around Super Bowl weekend.

So click there.  Read it again.  Remember it.

Don’t let your actions = someone else’s consequences this weekend.  And, especially, don’t let your actions = my consequences.

Getting Back Her Groove

Nine months ago, Little C developed anxiety.  We weren’t sure what was going on but she was craving acceptance, she was acting different, and she was having nightmares.

She acted so different that everyone noticed.  And, in fact, she’s acted that way for the past 9 months.  She was more reserved.  She didn’t sing loudly and dance around the room.  She didn’t make silly faces.  She was, for lack of a better word, serious.

But, honestly, we couldn’t find a reason (once the kid who was mean to her left daycare, that is).  There was nothing going on.  There was nothing wrong.

I chalked it up to Little C was becoming her own person and she and Little G didn’t have to act the same.  THAT was normal.  Kids, even identical twins, are NOT the same person.  I can’t expect C to like everything G does or vice versa.  I can’t expect them to act the same or react to situations the same.

Suddenly, Little C’s behavior went from abnormal in my mind to, well, normal.  It became, in my mind, the way she was.

And that was ok.  Did I miss funloving C?  of course.  But serious C was still my little C.

A few days ago, however, I did notice something.  C was acting different.  She wasn’t simply following G around and letting her pick the game.  She wasn’t just accepting that G was going to be Elsa and she was going to be Anna.  Instead she was declaring “I AM Elsa.  You be Anna.”  She was leading her sister around the room.

Then she looked up at me, blew air into her cheeks and said “Look mommy.  I’m a fish!” and pretended to swim through the living room.

I admit.  I started to cry.

Little C came back out of her shell.  I don’t know when it happened, but I know when I noticed.  On January 24, 2015, my Little C, the one who likes to do flips, make faces, sing LOUDLY and dance came back out to play.

Little G has been happy with this change.  Now they try to sing louder than each other, they run through the house holding hands taking turns as to who is in the lead, Little C gets to choose which princess she is first and Little G even lets C pick who G is going to pretend to be.

I love Little C and Little G, no matter how they are, but I will admit, it has been amazing having the old C back.

How to be a Mother

Last night as my best friend and I were brainstorming ways to make her one month old baby sleep more and eat less often, she admitted to feeling like a failure.  A failure because she couldn’t fix whatever was wrong, because the things she’d tried just weren’t working, because she’s a total control freak (I know the feeling) and she feels out of control.  I told her the following:

Sometimes we are given opportunities to turn our greatest weaknesses into our greatest attributes. Motherhood is the single biggest opportunity to do that. And if you don’t kill the baby, you’ve succeeded.

After I said that I have thought and thought about it and I realized that I need to listen to myself more often.

My biggest weakness is my lack of patience.  I need things to happen and I need them to happen IMMEDIATELY.  And if they don’t my next biggest weakness kicks in.  Procrastination.

People tell me all the time they cannot believe the amount of patience I have with my girls.  And I do.  90% of the time I am so patient it’s ridiculous.  But there’s the other 10% when I’m trying my hardest to get them to do what I need them to do and it’s a fight.  It’s a war.  I get ganged up on because they are ALWAYS a team.

We started potty training in March.  I thought at the time “I can totally do this.  I have smart kids.  They know what to do.  No big deal.”

When that first weekend of potty training boot camp was over, and they were not trained, I somewhat gave up and let procrastination kick in.  Little C was having stomach issues (basically she didn’t want to poo in the potty so she was holding it, therefore making herself sick).  Little G simply didn’t want to do it.  I gave up.

We wore pullups for awhile trying to “teach” them to potty but let’s be honest.  A pullup is a diaper.  It’s not a thick diaper but it’s a diaper.  And they KNOW that.

A little over a week ago I decided it was time.  No more excuses.  No more procrastination.  No more waiting.  They WILL be trained.  They will be trained by Christmas because I am a control freak and that is my cut off date.  I’ve told them that if they are trained, we will go to the beach for a week after Christmas.

Little C is ALL OVER this.  That kid is 90% trained already.

Little G keeps saying we will take her anyway.  It will break my heart if we have to leave her here with my mom.  I’m not being mean, I’m not expecting too much. She CAN do it.  She HAS done it, for a day here and there.  She just won’t do it consistently.  And that, my friends, will try your patience more than anything.

I’m trying very hard to turn my greatest weaknesses into attributes.  I’m trying to be more patient.  I’m trying not to procrastinate.  I’m trying to be the mother they deserve.

That’s all any mother tries to do.  Do right by their kid.  Take the things that don’t work and turn them into things that do work.  Listen to advice and weed out the bad.  Be firm, but kind.  It’s not about making the best craft or reading the most books to your kid or making the best costumes.  It’s about doing your best and making sure your kid(s) have fun while you do all those things.

And most importantly, it’s about love.

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